Are you a nail biter?

I’m not sure if I mentioned this in my last post (and refuse to go back and read my own work) but I’m currently reading The Motion of Light In Water by (you guessed it) Samuel Delany.   Its an autobiographical/memoir starting with his move to the lower east side around age 18.  He moves in with his girlfriend and shortly after marries her.  She experienced a miscarriage but the pregnancy was the main impetus behind the marriage.  Delany discusses their relationship but also details his own adventure with other partners.  I just wanted to share that filler info to get to talking about one of the themes that arises again and again when it comes to his sex life.  Finger nails.  Thats right, Delany has a thing of nail-biters.  While he only dallied in it himself for a couple of weeks the nail beds of his partners form a primary point of sexual interest and attraction.  

 

Admittedly I’ve never really been a hand person (other than sometimes scanning left rings fingers (which we all know mean relatively little anyway)) but its interesting to read Delany describing his infatuation with different nail-biters and watch the description approach nearer and nearer to an actual fetishistic sexual inclination.  According to the lovely psychiatric doctors charged with delineating health standards in the DSM the “real” (read: clinical and reifying) word for fetish is paraphilia.  The awkward part of this disorder (which falls under a larger umbrella of related sexual disorders) is that the clinical description falls widely outside of what most people would consider fetishistic inclination or behavior.  Delany is describing a characteristic, that to him, is a key component of sexual attraction and one that most certainly helps instigate sex.  Just like some people (ah…) can’t stand it when someone wears boxers or only enjoy sex when power play is used to disrupt the unspoken dynamics of a relationship, Delany is expressing what is technically (according to the DSM) healthy sexual behavior that in most circles would be considered a fetish, freakish or both.  But how is it that the DSM is actually past this mark and doesn’t absorb him as a deviant?  Because the definition of paraphilia requires a dependancy on the behalf of someone on a certain object, interaction or some such other sexual system for it to be pathological.  To fall within pathological behavior a particular fetish has to interfere with a persons ability to interact with the world around them, inhibiting the development of a healthy, adjusted and truly fabulous life.    

 

In an incredibly round about way what I was trying to get at (and then lost sight of and just kept going) is that most people (yes…I know that “most people” is sketchy but I’m a little hungover and not nearly smart enough to argue the point anyway) experience sexual attraction and/or arousal to key signifiers that connote sexual compatibility.  From bitten nail beds to muscles and beyond sexually “normal” people exercise the same benchmarks that the kinkiest of fetishist’s do, often at a scale and intensity that is very different but none-the-less distributes their sexual drive across certain points of interest…or what you could call fetishes.  

 

Haha…oh man.  Does any of that make sense?  Onward and Upward!

Home, Sweet Home

Well kids, the move has actually been accomplished.  I’ve settled into my new place with Anna!  We spent a good 3 days cleaning it from top to bottom since the old renters hadn’t really taken care of the place.  In order to fit our budget (and given its awesome location) we decided to move in with a third roommate.  This of course is the point where most people draw in a little breath and get a nervous look on their face.  But fear not….well, okay…fear a little bit.  Our new roommate is named Bryce: 23, white, from CN and….drum roll…a born-again Christian.  Oops.  Its actually not an issue since he falls into the category of “rock-climbing, nature loving, Christ is all about love and acceptance” born-agains.  Anna and I had a laugh when we realized that it hadn’t even occurred to us that we might be moving in with someone of faith.  Does that make us bigots?  End result: nice guy, totally harmless and a touch naive.

 

After the stress of moving and unpacking, I’ve been enjoying a relaxed couple of days.  Anna managed to snag a wonderful old percolator coffee pot, so we’ve been drinking sludge like “coffee”…which is actually quite good.  Having finished the last Delany book I was reading, I’ve moved on to start another one of his that focuses more on his life in the East Village.  I’m only about 25 pages into the book but things look good.

 

Since the only thing that anyone talks about anymore is the election I’d thought it would be appropriate to just drop a short note about it.  Sarah Palin.  Her daughter Bristol is pregnant and everyone cares about it.  

 

 

Anywho…Bryce is dating a wonderful woman named Dana (whom upon meeting I was immediately disappointed to find that she wasn’t a tennis-playing diz) who also shares his faith.  Its interesting to actually engage with religious views that I tend to think of as, well, violent.  Dana and I have had a couple of chats (1 (incredibly) drunk and 2 sober) where I’ve finally managed to share my ideas about Christ, his associated love and whatnot and how to follow his lead with someone who actually believes in him.  In college and after I’ve had many chances to talk religion but these conversations are usually between people who don’t practice any sort of faith (past an undying loyalty to post-structuralism).  Now I get a chance to have a real, live Christian listen to me ramble (unoriginally) about why I love Christ so much.  Dana was responsive, interested and gave me some feedback about her feelings of Christian service and the different paths that God can set us on.  Really the only part of the conversation that made me feel uncomfortable was when she credited prayer as the reason for her move to Chicago.  She essentially moved out here to be closer to Bryce but in my (heretical) mind I immediately read this as some sort of Christian match-making whereby Dana had picked  up her life and moved it to Chicago in order to maximize her chances of creating a holy, Christian union with Bryce.  I think that makes me a little cynical.

Sunshine on the Water

Just a couple check-ins:

 

-The apartment hunt continues.  Anna and I get to meet our landlord today.  The roads been a little rough because, frankly, she’s a little crazy cakes.  Being a lawyer probably accounts for most of her (somewhat) irrational demands about credit and security deposits but on the whole I think we’ll snag the place and not really have to interact with her anymore.

 

-Work is going well.  We are going to start hosting themed dinners!  An Italian meal is first on the list for early September and I’m hoping that I draw server duty…good tips to be had.

 

-My parents totally flaked out on me and won’t be visiting for another month or so.  Which really isn’t an issue but it does meant that I have to continue taking care of the car…something that I’m not super happy about.  I don’t use it and it just sits on the street waiting for someone to break into it.

 

 

I wanted to touch on a couple of things that have been on my mind.  Mr. Obama being someone that comes up in conversation and thought really more often than I would like.  I’m all for Change and whatnot but my mom’s insistent belief that I should devote my time to his campaign is flat out annoying.  Despite several attempts to explain to my mom that I’m not really invested in politics on the national level she still assigns me the political maturity of a 5th grader.  I know that this election is important but considering just how much the Democrats resemble the Republicans when it comes down to actual votes and the underlying metaphysical values they apply, I find the political scene endlessly depressing.  As noted on BoingBoing, even the Democrats share bedfellows that make very poor company with freedom, love, privacy and general psychic well-being.  As you’ve also probably heard, one of the founder’s of ManHunt gave most generously to McCain’s campaign.  After the lgbt blogs got ahold of it Crutchley resigned from the board and McCain returned the funds..obv.  The part of the story that piqued my interest the most was the statement that Crutchley made defending his position.  Pretty standard boilerplate stuff about freedom, democracy, terrorism, safety and defense.  I just don’t get that this person actually believes that either of these political parties will do an effective job.  Really?  Of course the Log Cabin Republicans jumped in and defended a persons right to donate to whichever front appeals most to a person’s political sensibilities but I find myself falling in with the crowd that demands accountability from those in “our community” who run “our institutions” and have enough money to make their voice heard.

 

To swing awayt from a slavishly reductive topic…lets switch to books!  Right now I’m reading Stars In My Pocket Like Grains of Sand by Samuel Delany.  Delany remains one of my absolute favorite author.  I’ve read almost all of his fiction and just finished reading Times Square Red, Times Square Blue, two essays he wrote about Time Square sexual culture and the shift that has occurred as the space has been turned over to more mundane consumption and culture. Anyway, Stars In My Pocket is good, really really good.  Like a fair number of his books, it is structured in such a way that the narrative moves from different viewpoints, times and knowledges seamlessly, pulling me through different cultures to get a greater grasp of just what post-Terran life could be like.  While it isn’t necessarily realistic in an intentionally “predictive futurist” tone, the book shows how complex systems of race, sex, gender and sexuality shift over time.  While reading it I keep catching myself thinking along the lines Delany has described and imagining that these systems might at one point become a reality.  A few examples: All people are described as “she” and “woman” regardless of both sex and gender.  The main character for the majority of the book so far is male-bodied and male-identified but only using such identifiers when in interacting with family, close friends and lovers.  The best explanation that I’ve been able to wrap my head around is that the “woman” category used for public address is function as a genderless tag.  So its actually a gender-neutral description that is only altered or used differently after the concerned parties have established a relationship and then are able to comfortably communicate pronoun preference.  Or it might just be that Delany’s fabulously intelligent.  One other part I enjoy about the story is that Marq and Rat (the central characters at the point I’m at in the book) are totes gay for each other and male-identified.  The shifting awesomeness of the sexual/gender system that Delany has built…is just fucking cool (Take that eloquence!).  Finally (and on a techie note) I really enjoy the information interface that most of the people in the books use.  A direct, neural interface that feeds information directly into the brain…think Neo in the Matrix when he learns Kung-fu.  Thats about all I’ve got to say on the subject…I just wish it would happen sooner (although we are getting closer).

 

Thats about it for now.

 

Make good choices.

Oops

So its been a little while since I added anything up here and, unfortunately, there really isn’t a good reason.  I’ll just catch you kids up on what I’ve been doing.

 

-Waiting tables.  Been working about 5 months waiting tables at a little breakfast and lunch place right near my apartment.  We have our slow days but on the whole I love this job.  Its such a nice change from the hotel.  I just trained in a new person because one of my beloved coworkers just stopped showing up.  The nice part of the whole situation being that I get to move my schedule around and pick up fridays…good tips!

 

-I’m hopefully moving apartments at the end of the month.  Anna and I are looking to live together and the easiest way for that to happen has led us to look at a nice three bedroom apartment.  The third room is currently occupied by a nice guy who I met the other day…and I hope I made a good impression.  We’ll see where all this ends up.  Landlords can be fickle people.

 

-Chicago in general has been wonderful.  I’ve been managing to escape my apartment regularly which is most definitely a good thing.  Its been fun exploring the city on my bike and learning the best routes, all while avoiding crazy chicago drivers.  It does make me a little nervous that most people I know who bike often consider getting in an accident as a inevitable thing.  But I always wear my helmet (even if it makes me look silly).  My parents are coming for a visit and taking the car off my hands…which is something I’ve been lobbying for since I started primarily using my bike to get around.  I know that I’ll miss my car sometimes but frankly, its not worth the time and money put into it.

 

Kemi, Dave (her roommate) and I went out last night to the Chances dance last night.  Its about as close to the Townhouse as I’ve found in Chi.  A fun crowd with a good mix of different genders and people.  There was a slight leaning towards a biker/hipster aesthetic but since I’m a huge fan of biker boys, I’m not going to complain.  We all got drunk and watched the awkward hipster have fits…eh…”dance”.  Dave and I made out a little which I found comfortingly close to many Townhouse nights.  Is that a bad thing?

 

On Saturday I had the pleasure of seeing Mik and Peter perform a wonderful number at the Cabaret event for the 2008 Femme Collective conference.  They also stayed with me!  Talking with both of them made me, admittedly, a little jealous of the people I know living in New York.

 

Thats about all I can come up with right now but I think I’m going to try and add more text posting.  I enjoy (the wonderfully self-absorbed) video posts but I’ve had it screw up enough times after I’ve spent a good 15 minutes essentially chatting with myself that I think its time to move on.

 

Continue making good choices.

Bam Bam

I keep talking about getting a cat. Which I still might do. I decided (long long ago) to name it Bam Bam. Someone beat me to it…BAH!

clipped from www.portlandtribune.com As he sat and told his rags-to-riches story, a fluffy dog jumped into his lap. It’s a Shih Tzu named Bam Bam, 13 weeks old. White brought him out to stay with family in Tigard while he works in Europe. Bam Bam flew with his owner in a camouflage bag with little breathing holes. How stereotypical, huh, model and a yipping dog?

Slam Bam Thank-you Mam

what? What? WHAT!

Okay…so its been a little while since I’ve added anything new.  But I promise I’ve got some interesting stuff for you.

During my move to Chicago (which involved two round-trips by car) I used up time in the car with books on tape.  Ground breaking idea, I know.  One of the books I listened to was Stardust by Neil Gaiman.  He is definitely one of my favorite fantasy authors (American Gods is def my fav) but I have to say that I was not impressed with Stardust.  I’m going to go ahead and say that a good part of that had to do with it being an audio book and also the stressful circumstances in which I listened to it.  Either way I got the movie the in the mail the other day and got a chance to watch it yesterday.  Not super awesome.  But the important part of the movie features Robert De Niro.  De Niro plays the captain of a lightening-harvesting ship (shut up) and there is a scene from the movie (conveniently  located below) that baffles me more and more everytime that I watch it.  So watch it.  Right now.  And I’ll let you know what I think afterward…

Yea.  Thats complicated.  First off, I really enjoy the scene.  At the same time I also start spinning my wheels when it comes to a more in-depth reaction.  De Niro is obviously playing the part of a gay man (although roughly 20 out of date…but he captains a sky ship, so we’ll give him a break).  There is an earlier scene in the movie where he discusses how difficult it is to maintain his heartless, violent and incredibly masculine exterior.  He just wants to be a nice guy but must keep up the appearance of being so ruthless so as to not damage his reputation.  So he gets (gay) bashed by one of the bad guys but his crew lets him know just how much they love him no matter what…the script honestly reads like my mom after she found out I was a homo.  I don’t really know why but how I feel about the scene keeps shifting and its very weird.  Its just out of the ordinary.  You folks take a look and let me know what you think.

To shift gears a touch…lets talk about relationships since no one ever gets tired of that.  And if someone says that they are tired of talking about this…they probably hate freedom.

I can already promise you that this will be less coherent that the last post but whatev.  I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about relationships, dating and the partnered life.  Why?  Because its an issue that engages all my neuroses (and yes, that is the correct plural spelling…I had to check) at the same time!  Dating is such a slippery slope kinda situation.  I’m one of those people prone to falling in love after a first date (since I’m nervous about being alone forever) but then dumping the person 2 months later (when I realize that its just not going anywhere (although there have been exceptional cases where these feelings weren’t entirely decisive)).  Its annoying to think and feel certain ways due to my anxiety about spending my life sans lover.  This isn’t a question of feeling less grounded or anything like that.  I’ve developed a sizable group of friends with whom I can share sex and community but the issue at hand is the singular partner/lover.  From what I’ve learned from past relationships I’m fairly certain that at least right now I’m just not a fan of dating. 

Dating makes me nervous and exacerbates (god I love that word) my worries about the life I’m going to have.  Then I remind myself that these fears are a) stupid, b) a cultural construction used to control the formation and maintance of (non) normative relationships, c) my reaction to the messages I’ve received about gay/queer relationships.  And a bunch more.  Bah.  Even writing this little snippet makes me angry.  Its just so frustrating to have your feelings go all over the map every single time the issue comes up.  Why such resentment and anger?  Therapy can fix this shit right?

I’m really just frustrated that I constantly feel like I should be on the look out for a boyfriend while I “know” that a boyfriend right now isn’t what I’m looking for. It doesn’t help that I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m a relatively jealous person.  A real shocker I know but some of us are slow learners.  No matter who the couple is on the street, when I pass them I just want to jump up and down, yelling.  Oh dear…that might make me crazy.  But given the day and age, crazy might not be a totally bad thing.

Haha…I also went on a date last week.  Well, a kinda-date.  A ”kadate” if you will.  He’s loosely affliated with the circle of kinky people I’m close with in Chicago.  We helped move some friends out of their place a couple of months ago but our lunch was the first time it was just us hanging out.  He worked in Chicago Public Schools and we had an interesting chat about public education policy…and crazy parents.  It was fun and I enjoyed chatting about kink with someone who approaches it very differently (he’s more inclined to sex/play within a relationship, while I find myself firmly on the side of “friends who you go out to the movies with, come home and tie to the bed”) but isn’t a masculinist fuck.  Who knows where this one will go.  He appears to be hesitant to play on a casual level but I’m also interested enough to pursue more of a connection.

Good lord.  This is long and rambling.  But just imagine if you have to listen to this in person.  It would be about 3 hours long.  I’d be drunk.  I would make less sense.  And it would involve innumerable caveats.

One last thing.  I totally hooked up with a Chicago Police Officer.  He also might have been in uniform.  And yes folks…just because he’s kinky and hot (okay…very, very hot) doesn’t save him from being a racist, classist, heterosexist jackass.  It was fun but afterwards was essentially pure torture as I had to listen to him spout predictable shit about poor people of color.  It was almost cliche.  So then I had to ask him to stop talking about it.  Which was incredibly awkward but totally worth it.  This is the kinda guy who thinks that being straight-acting is a good thing.  Oh well.  Lesson learned.

Oh…my apartment was also almost broken into.  At about 5 o’clock in the morning a couple days ago I awoke to a slight creak.  I fell back asleep but woke up again when a loud crack came from the front room.  I leapt out of bed bereft of clothing and stepped into the front room.  I’m not carrying a bat or knife, let alone my phone.   Standing about 2 feet into my apartment is a middle age white guy.  I, rather forcefully, asked him what he was doing in my living room.  He acted very surprised that I was there and began asking if he was in the right apartment.  I made him aware that he was, in fact, in the wrong apartment.  At this point he is still acting confused but I grabbed his shoulder and moved him towards the door.  He started apologizing but I gave his shoulder a little push and asked him to leave again…shutting the door as he turned back around.  He pushed against the door a little but I closed the dead bolt.  Then he left.  Weird.  I’d stupidly not closed the dead bolt…just locking the one inside of the knob itself.  He had pushed the door hard enough to break the jamb and tear the lock out of the wall.  When the building maintance guy showed up the next day he was surprised that he’d been able to do that much damage without un-seating the door.  But I still don’t believe that living in fear is the answer.

-If you made it this far…you get a gold star*!  Mention “The Flounder” the next time we talk.

*: Gold star offer only available to those I see in person.  So drag your sorry ass to Chicago.

Multi-spatial identity politics! WEEEEEEEEEE!

Just a short little update before I start with what I wanna write about.  I’ve found that I enjoy this form…

-I joined a gym.  The pool I swim in is tiny and a little dirty but will have to do.  I ran on one of those stupid ellipticals with the handles that move and have decided they are totally dumb.  I’m working to overcome my anixety about lockerrooms but its still a little stressful.  I’ve also noticed that a fair number of people spend their time at the gym striding around purposefully but never actually do anything.  Weird.  I only have about 3 months until IML…

-It won’t stop being cold here.  I’m totally fine with winter but spring really wouldn’t be an issue right now.

-A young queer/genderqueer person of color was shot and killed in Florida.  Simmie Williams is assigned male pronouns in the article but several different blogs have noted that the chance that Simmie was Trans.  Yet more violence.  Abadon marriage and return to resistance.

So…I wasn’t just trying to sound nerdy with that header (although my love of long, complicated and totally unneeded verbiage is well documented).  During one of my last classes at Macalester myself and two other students decided to do a presentation on radical sex education in a classroom context.  I’ll admit that I think we choose that since we thought it would be easy. 

It wasn’t.

Take three Mac students in the last throes of a postmodern feminist/queer education and ask them to produce a text/lesson about sex ed….its literally a recipe for disaster.   We immediately got mired down when we realized that none of us could manage to teach what we thought of as the basic tenets of sex ed. without falling back into problemic and prescriptive language and beliefs.   Try it for yourself.  Imagine explaining sex (of any sort) to someone unfamiliar with the language and actions themselves.  Its a total minefield.  But one of those minefields (unlike those scattered around the world by the US military) that challenges a different approach (rather than blowing the limbs off children).

Anyway…we ended up forming lessons around embodiment and making students/youth feel comfortable about their own bodies and the bodies of others.  So instead of falling back on the tried-and-true “facts” of sex, gender and sexuality…we decided it was most effective to promote love of oneself and to inculcate a true respect of how complicated and different everyone is.

My own thoughs go from here to the “sexual spectrum”.  This, for me, is a classic point of knowledge by which I used to draw a lot of personal, political and social power but has since become a source of frustration and conflict (also see: Graham’s early adventures as an assimilationist fuck in high school).  I don’t remember when I was first introduced to the concept that human sexuality can be thought of as something that falls along a spectrum instead of at 1, 2, or 3 main identities.  While I think it is a powerful rhetorical tool (emphasis on tool), at the same time it promotes the assignation of a “value” to sexual preference/identity.  It also creates a linear paradigm (a word I can’t type or say without thinking: para-dig-em)…and linear things have a nasty habit of being presented as inherently rational and “natural”.

In my mind a much more effective, realistic and neat way to think about sexuality (but I also think it could cover other areas well too) it as a sphere.  With a sphere you not only add a y-axis but you also get movement in 3D space with the z-axis.  The system I’ve got in mind allows for the expression of sexuality in relation to other identities.  In fact…I would argue that it “forces” sexuality to be expressed in relation to other factors…thus creating an environment where it becomes more difficult to practice problematic identity politics that separate out different identities within anyone person.  The sphere could be used to trace the development and movement of identity over time as well. 

An example: Lets say that Eli decides that per is queer and that per would like to change per’s gender identity.  The specturm only allows a certain about of shifting and even then it is only in one dimension.  With the sphere, Eli’s path shifts across the surface and depth in reflection that multiple points of identity are changing (and that these multiple points are part of a collective whole). 

Bah…this totally isn’t translating as well as I’d hoped.  Its something I want to give more thought to and maybe revisit soon.

Feedback?

I guess not…

Are there any national news outlets covering the murder of Lawrence King?  Or how about any presidential campaign?  A young person was shot in the back of the head in class and there is nothing… 

This horrific killing makes me think about the work that I did with Out for Equity during my time at Macalester.  While I didn’t do a lot of work directly with students (especially around violence) I heard different stories everyday about outrageous abuses of student rights, safety and privacy.  Since these youth are still considered minors many of the standard paths of mediation, mitigation and protection are closed.  The King murder should also be watched closely not only because of the victims sexual orientation but it should be recognized that a part of this violence revolves around the policing of gender.  

In relation to OFE again…I constantly ran into older LGBT folk who insisted that today’s youth were, as a whole, “better off”.  While they are right in certain areas (the electro-shock trend has certainly trickled down a bit) its frustrating to confront the dogma that since we’ve got Will and Grace, the kids are all okay.  I either interacted with or heard about students who were failing out because they were too scared to go to school.  And since their parents were often unaware of the circumstances (or totally disproving of the students identity), they had no advocate.  Young queers are growing up in a world that has convinced itself that it isn’t racist, sexist, classist and heterosexist.  And since older LGBT folks have pretty much decided that youth are growing up in an “easier” world, they aren’t receiving the support they need.  These students don’t need a reaffirmation that they can consume their way to happiness.  Nor do they need someone preaching to them about the “old days” and what it was like.  The abuses may have changed but I would strongly argue that the level and pace have not.  Its even possible that its getting worse as more adults and people in leadership positions continue to believe that everything is okay.  

 Its also noteworthy that the police had been made aware that it was an unsafe situation but failed to intervene.  Perhaps I’m reading too much into it but I’m guessing that there was no police reaction because its “normal” that the queer kids get picked on.  Really.  Why should they respond to violence against a group or individual that is the target of constant violence?  It happens everyday, so why pay attention today?   Honestly…shot in the back of the head.  It makes me physically, psychically and emotionally ill.

iOkay

Well folks.  I tried to do an update through youtube but discovered that my audio isn’t working.  Which means a trip to the constantly busy Apple store on Michigan ave… Until I get the mic fixed you are going to have to put up with reading my rambling thoughts.  Today I think I’m going to go with a list form… 

-I joined a gym today.  The person who helped me fit (almost) perfectly my mental image of the straight gym employee.  But he was nice and managed to keep my membership costs at a reasonable level.  I’m planning (emphasis on the “plan” part) to go a couple days a week and just do some swimming.  Also run a little.  Its been a long time since I’ve been swimming so I’m guessing that its going to take me some time to get back into it but IML is in may and lord knows I need to be in at least decent shape…  

 -I almost quit my job.  Almost.  I came in last wednesday to find that I was AGAIN working friday night, saturday night and sunday morning.  To top it off we were oversold by about 6 rooms.  I chatted with my boss and finally told him that my flexibility did have limits.  He was very receptive and gave me some good feedback.  I’m useful enough to them that he offered me a concierge job when they get the separate desk set up.  I’m trying to decide if I want to take it.  The pay would essentially be the same but I would probably make more thanks to tips.  But it would be stressful and I would have to be on top of my shit and everything going on in Chicago.  Any feedback folks?  Other than that the last couple of days have actually been really good.  I enjoy interacting with nice guests and chatting about Chicago and the weather…haha.  Its funny because the chattiest people are definitely the business travelers.  You can tell that they spend a lot of time alone and are pretty good at just making chit chat.   

-This incredibly hot guy named Tim wants to hang out with me.  We’ve met a couple of times but this last time was…um…inspiring.  For those of you who don’t know, I went to a football gear Superbowl party.  Thats right.  about 15 guys all dressed up watching the game…although the game was really not that important.  Anyway…Tim was there and we chatted a little.  He asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime.  OMFG.  I didn’t mention that he was wearing the smallest, most revealing singlet ever made.  So yea.  Not sure if he wants to just mess around or go to coffee…or both.  I’m happy with whatever happens. 

-Mr. B, a guest in the hotel, was totally flirting with me.  He kept telling me to call him by his first name but it would be awkward and unprofessional…but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t sleep with him.  Thank god he’s a corporate guest and will be back!  On that note, I mentioned to Eric, my boss, that he should make me the special gay check in rep.  I got a good laugh out of him and then made fun of him for not realizing that the 6 big guys from wisconsin (who were in town to see the spice girls!) were homos. 

 -I just finished reading Beyond Shame.  I need more time to think it over but watch for an update about the book.  

 -That is all.  

 -Oh, I’m seriously, actually, totally thinking about starting my own press.  I know that I mentioned it before but REALLY…I might.  It would be worth it even if it was a short run one-book kinda deal.  So…if you’ve got something that you want printed, let me know.  I’m not looking for anything in particular but I want the pieces to be relatively short and about something awesome.  Thats right…awesome.  Nothing ground breaking or anything.  I want something that a person would read and then find themselves telling all of their friends about the piece of info they learned…but not in a self-help sorta way.  In a “octopi can blend themselves into pretty much any surrounding almost instantly” way.